I need to be free
by SonnyChadFan
Summary: They can't take it anymore. They can't bare the pain and suffering they are feeling every moment of the waking day. With their past controlling their lives can they save eachother before it's too late.Sonny&Chad. Rated T for self harm.
1. Prolouge

**This is the sequel to my one shot don't forget. If you haven't read it yet I suggest you do so.**

**This is a tragedy so expect some gory and sad stuff towards the end.**

**Diclaimer: "Hello disclaimer"**

"**Hello"**

"**What are those in your hands?"**

"**Oh just the owner rights to swac"**

"**Well can I have it? Plz"**

"**No"**

**Enjoy.  I need to be free**

**Sonny**

He likes me, He likes me not, He likes me, He likes me not.

I stopped at the last petal of the bright yellow sun flower.

He likes me.

Yeah right, like the famous Chad Dylan Cooper could like me.

A plain girl from Wisconsin.

I am nothing. He would never like me.

Even though I am head over heels in love with him,he could never like me.

I could never read Chad, one minute he was a jerk and the next he was nice.

I have to say I love both sides.

I love when he's nice to me, he acts like he cares about me. But those moments wouldn't be so special if he was like that all the time. I love his bad side, so alluring. Him being bad makes the good him special.

I'm not special.

No one could ever love me.

When my own father spotted me all those years ago he left.

Just went and left me.

Walked out and never saw him again.

We thought he loved us.

My mom was in pain and so was I.

It took years to get over.

And we're still not over it.

Then I found happiness, possibly the best thing in my life happened.

I got to join So Random

But it wasn't my dream.

Then I met Chad,

He left a place in my heart,

But I can't take it anymore, the pain the heartbreak.

I needed a way to get rid of it, even if it was just for a minute-a second even.

I took the sharp silver blade and slowly pulled it across my wrist.

I winced at the over bearing pain but it helped me, it set me free as I watched my blood flow out of my wrist.

It made me forget.

But only for a nano-second.

**Chad**

I took my anti depressants the doctor had prescribed to me in my dressing room and banged my head against the table.

If anyone ever saw me like this, everything would be over-gone.

A tear trickled down my cheek onto the already tear stained picture of a blonde middle aged woman, my mother.

I touched the picture carefully,

The woman I loved with all my heart.

The only person in my life that ever loved me.

She passed away when I was six.

I remember looking into her blue eyes.

I haven't got anyone.

No one loves me.

I'm alone.

My career is my shield.

Without that I am nothing, no one.

Except when I look over to a certain brunette, I look into her eyes.

I know she could never like me, let alone love me.

No.

I'm not going to try so she can reject me like everyone had done through out my life.

I love her, so much no can even imagine.

The pain, the suffering, day in day out it's too much.

I think about killing myself.

What is there to live for?

Sonny.

Just to see her smile. She keeps me alive. Without her

Life wouldn't be worth living.

So I hold on.

I lift up my shirt and the needle pierces through my skin.

The drugs help me, they stop the torture.

But only for a second.

**How'd you like it? Should I continue?**

**I don't really like tragic stories but I just had to write one.**

**Plz review I really do appreciate it.**


	2. Chapter 2:flashbacks

**Hi pplz. Another chapter yay!! This is their flashbacks of Sonny and Chad's past and how they got to be so depressed. Plz review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own swac, never have and probably never will.**

**Sonny's flashback**

I was only 6 years old when it happened. My father walked out of my mother's and I lives. He told us he loved us so much. Though he didn't. Even with the beatings, we still loved him. He was aggressive. Everyday after work he would come, and beat us till we were blue with bruises. My mother took most of the beatings for me. I remember her screaming, shouting as I heard a sharp slash and her skin. I covered my ears and tear after tear rolled down my cheeks. I tried to block it all out. I sat with my head against the wall, my knees tucked up to my body and my arms around them and I rocked back and forth....

***10 years ago***

"Alison, baby quickly go upstairs and don't come down until I tell you too" My mom said rushing her words and shooing me upstairs. I knew the drill. I could hear my dad's car pull into the driveway downstairs. I knew what would happen too. I observed my mother, her skin littered with blue and purple stains. Her eyes were still black from yesterdays beating. I followed my mother's orders and ran upstairs to my room and gently closed it behind me. I sat on my bed and waited. I took this time to look at my own hands. Luckily he hadn't beaten me for a few days now but the evidence was still there, a dark mess on my skin.

"Get in there!" I heard my dad's voice boom through the whole house. I knew what was happening, I had witnessed it with my own eyes. Being only six, I had to grow up fast. I clasped my shaking hands over my ears. But no use. I could hear the SLASH of the belt as it hit bare flesh. Over and over and over again. I could hear my mum's whimpering in pain as she took the beatings. I imagined what was happening downstairs and unwillingly, tears began to fill my brown eyes. I lay down and put the pillow over my head. Who deserved this?

After about half an hour I guessed, the screams stopped and so did the whips. However, it wasn't over as I heard large footsteps thunder up the stairs. I knew what was going to happen and I knew that my faded bruises would soon become fresh ones. My door opened with a bang. I didn't dare look up, not that I could see through my watery eyes anyway. I felt rough and large hands grab my arm. I looked up to see my dad's face, his green eyes flashed with fury and rage. He pushed my small and fragile body against the wall. He got his belt that he had just a moment ago used on my mother.

I braced myself for what was coming next. I closed my eyes. SLASH! Tears filled my eyes as I felt a harsh burn on my arm. It continued like this until nearly every single spot of my arm was either red, purple or blue. My arms stung from the intensity of the slashes of the belt. I heard footsteps descending out of my room, and the door slam. I immediately crashed to the floor, not bothering to stop the tears. I wiped my hand viciously across my face. After the tears halted I inspected my stinging arm. Just as I thought. Fresh cuts and bruises. After a while, I heard more gentle foot steps coming to my room. I looked up and saw my mother. She rushed to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Oh my god baby, are you aright?" she asked even though she knew I wasn't. I knew she heard my cries and she lifted up my arm and put medication on them so the cuts couldn't get infected. She wiped the blood off the broken skin and put me in her arms.

"Come on you're father is waiting for us to come to dinner. I made your favourite" She said and I nodded. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up gently, careful not to touch the bruises. As we entered the dining room I saw my father sitting and waiting for us to join him. He was smiling. Not smiling like he was proud of what he did. Nor was he smiling like he was guilty. He smiled like any other father would smile. He smiled like he had done nothing wrong. After the beatings he acted like he was one of the most normal dads there were. To the outside, everyone thought he was a normal family man. But we knew different.

It went on this way until I was 11. Until that one day that he left...

**5 years ago***

"Sonny" was all my mum said and I did what I had to do. I ran upstairs and closed the door behind me like I did any other day. Sometimes he would come up and sometimes he wouldn't. Everyone had started to call me Sonny by the age of eight. My nickname. I understood why though. Being happy all the time was normal for me now. I was happy because when **he** wasn't here, I made the best of it. I wanted to be the opposite of my father. I would never ever want to be anything like him. So, despite the beatings I always acted happy even though inside, I was the most wrecked and miserable child. I waited for the screams and the hits to pass. I waited and waited, but nothing. I heard the phone ring. I quietly crept out of my room and listened.

"Hello" My mum said when she picked up the phone. I couldn't hear what the other person was saying from downstairs.

"What!" My mother exclaimed and I could hear sobbing. I walked halfway downstairs, bent down and stopped so I could hear the conversation better.

"No! No please don't I'm sorry, I'll do anything please come back!" My mother was crying so much now her eyes were red. Still holding the phone, she slid down the wall and held her hand to her head. All I heard was the diling tone.

I walked downstairs cautiously, curious in what had happened to make my mom cry so much from just a phone call. When she spotted me she ran up to me, flinging her arms around me and pulled me into a hug, as she weeped into my shoulder.

"Mom? What happened?" I said deeply worried now. Something was up. I have never seen my mom like this without a beating. She was usually so strong and brave. Now she seemed vulnerable and fragile.

"Y-your father's l-l- left us" She quivered and started breaking into tears all over again. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Dad left us? Me and mom? How could he. We thought he loved us. Even though he beat us numerous times he still told us he loved us. And we loved him with all our heart. I hugged my mom back while tears flowed from my eyes.

**Chad's Flashback**

I was six, an only child. I was living a good life. Happy home in LA. But of course, that's what the media thought. We didn't let them hear the true story of what was going on behind the doors. I remember it like it was yesterday. My mother always stuck together. We were a team. I never knew my dad and I didn't care to. It was me and her against the world. My mom had been a model and was very successful in her job. She earned tons of money so we were able to live in Hollywood, where she worked. After I was born she quit her job so she could take care of me. She loved me so much, and gave me her undivided attention. I would die for her, I would trade places with her right now.....

**10 years ago**

It was Christmas day. The best time of year. Me and my mother were out side building snowmen and making snow angels in the puffy snow. I loved doing that. We did it every single year. Just me and her together.

"Chaddy, I think we should come inside now, don't want to get caught in a blizzard now do we" said my mother. I nodded, and looked up at my mom. She was so beautiful. Her radient blonde hair blew to the side. Her bright blue eyes full of life looked lovingly into mine. She was the best mother you could have asked for. She was caring and full of love towards me. We went inside and we took off our snow covered coats, scarves and hats and we sat down in front of the fireplace with a blanket wrapped around the two of us to keep us warm and a steamy mug of cocoa in our hands. My mom gave me a small hug as we watched the fire in the fireplace crackle and spit it's flames. I was so comfortable there in my mother's arms, I never wanted it to end.

Suddenly, we heard a noise. A clinking noise, like someone was playing with metal or something. Like a lock. I didn't think anything of it but my mom could hear it and she shuddered underneath the blanket.

"Chaddy, I'm going to go check what the noise is, I'll be right back sweetie" she assured me and kissed my forehead. I nodded in response and curled up tighter in the blanket. I heard a loud CRASH and fear shook my body. Slowly I pulled the blanket off me and stood up. Terrified, it took all my guts to walk to the doorway. I saw a giant, bulky man covering my mother's hand with his mouth and my mother squeaming, trying to get loose from the man's grip. I saw terror and fear in her blue eyes and she saw me.

"Mm Hmmpph" came her muffled cries and the man saw what she was looking at. Me. He threw her across the wall and her head bashed onto the hard surface, bruising the side of her head.

"Mom!" I screamed and I tried to run to her but I felt rough hands grab the side of my shirt. I screamed and cried with tears creeping down my face. I looked at my mum and she held her head and was trying to steady herself. Before I knew it the man whipped out something black and pressed it to my head. I looked up and saw what it was. The barrel of a gun. After regaining herself my mother stood up and I saw shock mixed with anger and terror flash through her eyes. She ran to me as fast as she could. It was all slow motion to me. The man lifted the deadly object of my head and steadied it towards my mother. His finger was on the trigger and he pulled. It released a bullet. The metal bullet soared through the air. Before I could take in what was happening, my mom fell to the floor in a thud. I wriggled out of the man's hands and rushed towards my mom. Tears streamed down my face as I knelt down to her. She didn't look radiant anymore blood drained from her head where the bullet had hit. Her golden hair didn't shine anymore. Her blue eyes were now dull and lifeless. She was gone.

A few days passed and it was now her private funeral. Because she had been a big time model, many people had been at the memorial. But now it was just me and a few close friends, she had no siblings and her parents had aged and passed away. I stood there tears falling from my eyes and I didn't attempt to stop them as they lowered her coffin into the grave. Her friend came and comforted me by hugging me and patting me on the back. But her arms were of no comfort to me whatsoever. All I wanted was my mother's loving arms to be wrapped around me again. But I knew that was never going to happen.

After the funeral, I was still crying. A woman came and took me. I was put in this car and they drove me to a big house. And didn't have a clue what was happening to me. I did however see two suitcases in the seat next to me labeled Chad Dylan Goldfarb. My mom's last name. The woman took me out of the car and pulled me inside this giant house. There awaited a strange man. He had brown hair and blue eyes. The woman bent down to my level.

"Chad, I know you've had a tough time but you can't live at your old house anymore because there's no one to look after you" I just nodded. I understood what the woman was clearly saying even at my young age. She continued,

"So you are going to stay here now, with your father, Daniel Cooper" I looked back up at the man. I didn't feel safe with him. Not like a son should feel for their father. I looked into his eyes. They weren't like my mothers. As his looked back at me they weren't full of love and compassion. They were full of nothingness and slight boredom. I looked around my new 'home'. It felt strange and empty, not a home but an empty house. No memories. The woman left and I was left there with my father.

***5 years ago***

"Boy get down here" I groaned at my father's harsh tone. I still never grown to like him and I have never called him Dad. I had a feeling he despised me. I was all alone in the world. People had moved on from my mother's death but I still held on. No one loved me, before I had my mother's love but now there was nothing. I didn't have any friends because I was home tutored and never went to school to have friends. I was a no-one. Every day I cried myself to sleep. No one in the world cared about me. I had no-one.

It was Christmas time. The day I hated most of the whole year. The day she died. The last day I felt love from somebody and the last day I have ever felt love for someone. I took out her picture, the last picture I have of her. My so called father burned the rest of them. He said it brought back bad memories. He even changed my name to Cooper because it reminded him of her. I looked at her. Her eyes, her warm smile. I tried to hold back the tears but it was too late. I dropped to the floor and let the tears spill out of my eyes as stroked the picture carefully.

**Wow that actually made me cry when writing that. Please review and I'll give you shout outs and I'll update faster.**

**Imjstar Xxx**


	3. Chapter 3: back to the present

**Hiii!! Kind of sad that only one person reviewed my last chapter and I just want to take a bit of this chapter for shout outs to.**

**Cocosunshine23, ljsmithfan188, cooliogirly and cheerleader19500. Thanks soo much for reviewing. Also thank you to my anonymous reviewers. So sorry for not updating my stories but I will soon.**

**Also I really recommend reading myjumpingsocks stories. They're awesome and don't forget to review them as well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own swac just the plot.**

**Back to the present**

**Sonny**

I can well and truly say I love my job. I like waking up in the morning to go to work unlike anyone I have ever heard of. I don't know why but it makes me feel like a normal girl, even though I am far from it. I have friends there, people that don't know about my past and I would prefer to keep it that way. So random makes me laugh. I never did any laughing when I was at home taking beatings from my father. It just made me feel free. It made me escape from the outside world. But it doesn't take away the memories. The ones I longed to be washed away from my head. That's the thing I wish for every night as my hand wonders over the light bruises from years ago, and the fresh cuts on my wrists. There is another reason I love my job. I get to see Chad. I know it's basically every girl's dream to meat Chad Dylan Cooper but for me, even when we argue it just makes me feel so relaxed. Makes me forget about what happened and makes me feel safe and protected. I don't know why, but it just feels like we have a connection, like he understands me. Our hearts are like two puzzle pieces.

**Chad**

I love my job. I get to get away from that terrifying house. Where I was made to forget all my memories, the times when I was happy. When I was loved. But no one can wipe memories away, not even that heartless man you call my father. I'm glad when I have to wake up in the morning. Other people would be moody in the morning, but I wasn't. My tears were always dry from the night before and I was glad for that. Because when I walk through those studio doors, people actually notice me. I am not a no-one to them. I could say that they were my friends, but then that would be lying to myself. They only care for me because of my money and fame. They aren't real. But just the feeling of having someone , to notice I'm alive makes me happy. But this kind of 'caring' is not enough, that is why I feel the need to inject myself every night before I go to sleep. The other reason I love my job is because of Sonny. I knew I wouldn't ever have a chance with her, but when I see her and speak to her, it makes me feel like she knows me inside and out. She feels what I've gone through. She makes me feel confident not like the shaking and vulnerable boy inside me. I feel like we are one.

**Sonny**

"Hey Sonny!" Tawni greets me with enthusiasm as I walk through the dressing room door. She is sitting on her fluffy pink chair staring at herself in the mirror. How can someone be so vain I ask myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I can't look at what my father has done to me. How he's destroyed me. I put on a huge grin. It's forced, but I will never tell anyone this. I need to be the opposite of my dad. I need to be happy.

"Hi Tawni!" I reply with as much enthusiasm as Tawni but it's fake. I knew that but I prayed that she couldn't see through me. Of course she doesn't. She just turns her head back to the mirror and stares at herself some more. I sighed, but I was glad. I never wanted anyone to find out about me. Ever. I sit on the orange couch, situated in the middle of the dressing room as Tawni babbles on about something pointless. I don't listen. I turn my back away from her so she couldn't see me even if she was looking at me. I pulled up my green long sleeved shirt I was wearing to find large lines, some deep and some barely skimming the skin. They were red and sore and I winced as I touched them. They stood out clearly from the light blue spots everywhere. I did this to myself whenever I had the chance. It just felt so good yet so painful. I felt I needed to do this to myself, there must be a reason my dad gave me those beatings wasn't there. So I did it to myself.

I picked up a writing pad and started thinking of ideas of sketches. Anything to forget about the cuts on my wrists. When I was at school and my dad was still with us, I had no friends. I hid in the toilets every break and lunch. I cried and cried and looked at the bruises from the day before. I never socialized with anyone. Too scared if they found out about me and what happened at home, everyone would reject me. Not until high school did I start to talk to people and I found out that I was actually funny. I made people laugh. I brought happiness to other peoples lives. I couldn't bring happiness to the one person who needed it most. Me.

I wrote down the thoughts that came off the top of my head. They actually looked funny like they would make people laugh. I smiled to myself but as my eyes shifted back to the cuts on my wrists the smile quickly turned into a fake one.

"Hey Sonny, I need you to go on a fro-yo one. And hurry. Tawni Hart does not wait" Tawni demanded as I sighed. I was used to the stubborn blonde bossing her about. I quickly pulled down my sleeve and look up to see if Tawni had noticed me do this. But of course no. She hadn't, she was now at staring back at herself in the mirror as vanity took her over. I put the down the writing pad and went to get the frozen yogurts.

**Chad**

I take a deep breath. No one will find out, I tell myself over and over again. I open the doors to the Mackenzie Fall's set, not even bothering to smile. The pain in my eyes are evident, but no one will care. No one even bothers to look into my eyes. All they care about are the looks. They can't see that it's just a mask, covering my pain. They don't care to look deeper than that. Nobody cares. Portlyn comes running up to me. She would be described as my closest friend. But even she only cared for my fame and money.

Some people wonder why I'm so cruel, why I used the power I had over people to control them with such stern and strictness. They think I'm a jerk, they think I'm selfless and they think I'm a conceited person that I couldn't look past my reflection and see the pain I inflicted on others. I cry every night while they go out and party. I die a little bit more inside with each passing day....while they enjoy every moment of their teenage lives. I lock myself in my room while they socialized and make friends. Because I **am** Chad Dylan Cooper. Not the Hollywood Bad boy, the heartthrob, the greatest actor of our generation.....but Chad Dylan Cooper, the boy that lost his mother, the one no-one cares about, the one no-one loves.

I got onto the set and started my lines with Skyler and Portlyn. I remember the day when I was first offered this job. It was in the summer, I was 14 and I was in my room as usual, looking through the window, just daydreaming. There wasn't anything really to do on that hot summers day. I didn't have any friends to hang out with and my 'father' would rather hang himself than hang out with his own son. These were the times that I wished my mother was around. Though I always wished she was around, these were the times I felt loneliest. I looked to see a man coming to the door of the house and watched as the maid greeted him and let him inside. I sighed. He must be one of my dad's workers I thought. Little did I know that this man was about to change my life forever.

I smiled at the memory, but then as I remembered further my smile wiped off my face. Later that day as the sun began to set and the good news was delivered to me my father came to face me with a smirk on his face.

"So _boy_, are you happy that you got the lead in the show? Well you shouldn't be. Just wait till you join it, everyone will soon see what a messed up brat you really are. Do you really think you can act, they're just taking sympathy on you. Before you know it you'll be just like your mother.....ten feet under" He laughed cruelly, taking some kind of pleasure in my misery. My eyes filled up with tears and I ran to my room, step after step until I finally reached there and slammed the door. I took out the picture again, I always carried it with me, so I can have a part of her near to me. "I miss you mom" I whispered.

That was one of the best days, yet one of the worst.

However, he was wrong. I was good at acting. I was proud of my talent. I made people feel a mix of emotions, happy, angry, sad, surprised and more. I just wished someone felt something for me. As I got back into character and realised that I was in the middle of filming. I looked into Portlyn's eyes, coating my sad emotions and put on a fake one.

"And Cut! That's a wrap" I walked quickly out of the room. I needed time to think.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't see the brunette walking swiftly towards me, also looking like she was deep in thought.

"Ouch!" We both yelled as we fell down together. I looked up see to see the most beautiful face, a one that angels must have carved. My eyes met her warm chocolate brown ones. The ones that make me feel like maybe someone does care in the world, maybe I'm not all alone in the world. Then her smile. The smile was the only thing keeping me going in this world full of suffering and hate. It brought sunshine into my cloudy life. She reminded me of my mom and how much I loved her. Her smile was a true smile, just like Sonny's. It instantly brang life to something dead and dull.

**Sonny**

As I paced down the hallway, I took this as the chance to properly observe the damage I had done to myself yesterday that night. The lines engraved deep into my wrist. They all resembled something. The first resembled the torment of my childhood, the lashes I had to endure at such a young age. The second was for the pain it caused for me when my father left us. He just left his family behind, the ones who loved him most. The third was for the misery throughout all my life. I was the odd one out, in everything. Just then I felt a body crash into me and I fell backwards.

"Ouch!" we both yelled as we fell down together. I looked up and I saw Chad. The only one Chad Dylan Cooper. The one and only that has stolen my heart as his. His hair, so shiny and golden, windswept and perfect. Then my eyes met his and I saw an ocean of sparkling blue. I began to get lost in them and when I was I just felt free, like nothing in the world could harm me, like those cuts didn't matter anymore. The sapphire sea was full of love and hope. And I couldn't help but get lost in them.

**Chad**

I knew when I saw her I had to act mean, I had to act tough. I knew even though I loved her more than life itself, she could never love me back. She was worse than the ones that pretended to care. She didn't pretend. She hated me even though I loved her with all my heart. She could never see the love I showed her and how much it hurt, the torture I went through knowing that the only one you had feelings for hated your guts.

**Sonny**

I quickly snapped out of my trance and saw the emotion clear on his face. Full of anger and hate towards me. I felt like breaking down into tears, but I was stronger than than that. I loved him so so much. I was in love with him. I've never felt like that towards anyone before. Yet he hated me, he hated me so much. I was nothing to him. I was worthless, rubbish. He would never except how much I loved him. He would push me away and leave just like the others on my life.

"Sonny" He spat angrily.

"Chad" I hissed in the same expression he used. I don't understand why he had to be so mean and why he gave me the 'special mean treatment' and how he despised me so.

"Well Munroe, you should watch where you're going next time. You could have ruined my perfect hair" He said avoiding my eyes as I did his.

"Look Chad, you were the one that bumped into me and I really don't care about your hair" I said. I had to be mean back. If he knew my feelings I would be rejected and heartbroken. And I couldn't handle that again. I just couldn't.

"Look, I really don't want to talk to you and vice versa so why don't we just end it here" he said.

"Fine" I began and something inside me turned.

"Fine"

"Good!"

"Good!"

"So we're go-" I didn't get to finish because Chad was halfway down the hallway. So he hated me that much that he didn't even want to complete our fighting scene we always did from day one? I could feel warm tears trickling slowly down my face. I turned and ran. The one person I loved hated me. I ran to the dressing room and locked the door behind me before I fell to the floor.

Luckily Tawni wasn't there. Though I doubted she would of cared anyway. I took out the razor blade I always held next to me in my pocket. I looked at it through my tears. Sharp, metal, cold object that I held in my hands. I took it out and carefully dragged it across my wrist. I winced in pain but as I saw the deep crimson red blood flow, I felt better. A little more free. I watched as it splashed to the floor, next to my tear drops. I did it again. Slice and the blood trickled from my wrist once more. It felt good. I needed to do it. Again and again as I watched the blood form a puddle on the floor as my body became weaker.

**Chad**

I couldn't do it. I couldn't even finish the conversation knowing that every word that came out of my mouth was full of fury and hate to the one that I loved so much. The only one I loved. She didn't deserve it. All the insults I spat at her. So I turned my back and walked. Fast. Tears building up in my eyes as I walked and when I finally reached my dressing room I slammed the door and locked it.

I let the tears out and they sped rapidly down my face as I searched for the pills. The ones the doctor had prescribed for depression. I swallowed them without hesitation. They weren't enough, they didn't help me in the least. I took out a long syringe filled with orange liquid. The needle. Long, pointed needle that I despised so. But I needed it. It was bad for me I knew that much and I pressed it into my arm, forming a small hole. My vision began to fade as I took the almost poisonous injection. Now maybe I could join my mother, maybe now my father would get his wish, maybe now I could leave this merciless world. I felt free as everything became a black darkness.


	4. Chapter 4:Evil truths

**Another chapter! Really wish I did get more reviews but still thank you to myjumpingsocks, monkey87 and ljsmithfan188 and to all my anoynmous reviwers. There will be more romance in this chapter and more talking too. Hope you guys like it and please review!**

**I only intend on doing a few chapters more.**

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Disclaimer:I do not own swac. All I own is the plot.

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**Chad**

I opened my eyes. Where was I? Everything was fuzzy. Was I in heaven with my mother? Or hell where my father said I would go to. All I could see was white and when my eyes darted across the room to get a better picture of where I was, I realized I was lying down in a bed. I tried getting up but when I did pain hit me in my head and in my arm and I instantly fell back and hit a soft pillow. I groaned in agony at the feeling of my head tearing apart and my eyelids started to get heavy and before I knew it, I was in a heavy slumber once more.

**Sonny**

The feeling was just so sensational. The feeling it gave me when it cut through my flesh. The blade fell to the ground as I felt warm tears stream down my face in relief. But the feeling soon faded and the pain came back. I felt weak and as I looked down at my shaking hand, I could see I was noticeably paler as well. This didn't shock me. When I first started doing it two years ago, it felt horrible and wrong to do this to myself. But as weeks turned to months I couldn't help myself. The suffering I went through everyday was just too much to handle. I needed away to break away from reality, if it was only just for a moment.

I picked up the cold blade that was now overflowing my Scarlett blood and pushed it into my pocket. I used the wall to help stand myself up and gingerly walked over to the sink. I watched as the cool water poured over my stinging cuts, soothing them with it's gentle flow. I then got some tissues from the cupboard above and wiped it off, leaving no traces of blood. I then went over to where I had been sitting and bent down to wipe up the pool of blood. I smiled to myself as there were no signs of blood left anywhere.

As I was doing this, I heard a loud noise. Like a siren almost, an ambulance siren. I breathed out and turned the brass door handle and stepped outside my dressing room to see Chloe and Portlyn from Mackenzie Falls muttering something to eachother. I really didn't care to know what they were speaking about until I heard the words Chad and hospital in the same sentence. It suddenly became clear. Ambulance sirens, Chad and hospital. Those words did not belong together. I knew Chad didn't love me or even like me at that matter. But I didn't care. I ran as fast as I could to Chad.

I suddenly I bumped into someone and fell to the ground, the impact to strong for my feeble body.

"Sonny, are you alright? Oh wait I'm doing that silly caring thing again" said Tawni, who had not fallen to the ground like me. I then watched her observe me and I could tell she thought something wasn't right.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine" I stumbled onto my feet, trying to fake a smile like I always did. I didn't want to talk to Tawni right now. All I wanted to see was Chad.

"Sonny, I hate to break this to you but you look ill. Are you sick?" She asked with concern in her light green eyes. Was she caring? I could see that it was evident to her now that I in some way or the other, sick.

"No, course not. I'm brilliant" I denied, trying to get pass her nut she barricaded my path.

"No you are not Sonny, you are ill" She stated and a look of worry joined the look of concern in her eyes as I thoughts started to wonder through my mind. Had she seen my cut marks? Had she seen me cut myself?

"Sonny, you don't look too good, I mean those shoes with those pants, so last week!" She smirked at me. So she didn't see me. I sighed with relief.

"Tawni, I need to go!" I said pushing her out of my path, making her almost fall to the floor. But I didn't look back. Chad, hospital, Chad, hospital, were the only words running through my mind as I ran fast, ignoring all the strange glances I got from passers by. I didn't care about them, I needed to know that Chad was safe. I don't know what I would do to myself if he wasn't.

I stopped at the Mackenzie falls set and saw the one and only Chad Dylan Cooper on a stretcher. I felt tears swell my eyes as I saw him looking so helpless, so...so fragile. It reminded me of when I my father beat me, I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was too weak. I ran over to him.

"Chad!" I screamed looking down at him and holding onto the side of the stretcher for support, otherwise I knew I would have fallen to my knees unable to get up. I looked down on him. His hair was no longer perfect, It was chaotic and dishevelled. His eyes red and puffy, like he had been crying not so long ago. I felt my own tears drop down beside me as I watched him in still and frozen. His face was as pale as mine and he didn't even look like he was breathing. He just lay there.

Two of the ambulance crew came and tried to escort me away but I wasn't having that. We may have just argued but I care for him so much. More than he will ever know, more than my own life. I loved him and I was damned if I was going to let him die.

"Let go of me!!" I screamed as tears streamed down my face two of the ambulance crew held me back as I struggled in their grip. The other crew lifted up the stretcher and slowly began putting him to the ambulance. I could feel fury rage up inside me but there was nothing I could do as they closed the doors and I fell to the floor when they let go of my arms and fell to the floor, breaking down into tears. They didn't know what it was like to know someone that you love in pain.

**Chad**

I opened my eyes once more to feel that horrible throbbing in my arm and my head. I looked up to see brown eyes staring down at me. Not just any brown eyes. They were chocolaty, warm and inviting eyes. They looked sore almost, from crying? And I realized who's eyes they were. Sonny's eyes. I would know them anywhere, those beautiful doe like eyes. I opened my eyes wider and saw that she was sitting on the side of my bed. Bed? Wait where am I? I slowly lifted my head up of my pillow and looked around. There were machines and wires attached to me. I was in a hospital.

Why was Sonny here? Did she hear about my accident? I began to worry. If she did here about my accident then she would think I was pathetic and sad and would want nothing to do with me. Not that she probably would want anything to do with me anyway. I knew she loathed me but I cared for her and loved her. I would instantly give my life just to be with her for even a minute. But, why was here. Maybe just maybe, she felt just a tiny bit of what I felt for her.

"Chad?" she asked interrupting my thoughts when she heard me moving around in the hospital bed. She looked down at me and I looked up at her. I felt as if I was in heaven, because this couldn't be real. She leant down and embraced me with a hug. I felt her warm body against mine and sparks flew everywhere, just from her touch. I've never felt anything like it before. I hugged her back and we stayed like that. Just that moment, I felt as if I could fly, as if nothing bad had ever happened. Reluctantly, I pulled myself from the hug when my arm started to hurt.

"What are you doing here?" I asked oblivious. I knew she hated me but why was she here. I used my hand and situated myself so I was no longer lying down but sitting with my head resting against the bed board. I looked around and saw she was the only one here with me. Not even my father was here. Not that I expected him to be.

**Sonny**

That hug made me feel so protected, so special and I was safe in his arms. I felt myself tingle all over from his touch and was disappointed when he pulled himself from my embrace but I was just so happy that he was okay. And for once my smile wasn't faked.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me. Didn't he realize by now that I cared for him so deeply? I guess he just didn't feel the same way, however I decided not to think about that, since it would only make my heart break a little bit more than before.

"Chad, I know that you hate me, but I don't hate you. What I feel for you is the opposite of hate. I-I really care for you so much. I know you could never feel the same way as I do, but I just wanted to tell you this because, I never wanted to lose you" I said as my eyes began to fill with water once again. Why did I do that. I knew that he would reject me. No, my heart can't break again, it just can't because this time, I know it's beyond repair. I broke the gaze and looked away from him, turning so I couldn't see the face that I loved kill the last of me.

**Chad**

I watched with wide eyes at what Sonny was telling me. She cared about me. She **loved** me. She loved me! I couldn't explain the emotions running through me at that point. I was happy, no more than happy I was ecstatic! I felt is if I could tear myself of these stupid tubes connected to me and run a marathon. I felt as if I could walk to the moon and back. Everything, was just forgotten. The pain and the misery I was feeling, vanished. She cared, she loved me and I loved her back.

I watched as Sonny turned her head and tears began to fill her beautiful cocoa eyes.

"Sonny, you have no idea what you have just done to me. You've made me the happiest person alive. I love you too, I always have. I love you with all my heart. I never even thought that you could feel anything for me back. But I love you, I love you so much" I said pouring my heart out and saying all my emotions mixed into one. Love.

She turned around teary eyed and looked back into my eyes, searching if I was telling the truth and I looked back into hers with the biggest smile you could ever imagine. Because I was happy. For the first time in twelve years, I was genuinely happy. Because she was my sunshine. The rays of light that had been blocked out from my life for far too long.

***two weeks later***

**Sonny**

I felt like I was completely indestructible. Nothing could knock me down now. I was happy. I finally lived up to my name. The past was so far behind me now, it feels like what happened was just a bad nightmare and it was now finally fading from my memory. It was over, it was finally over. No more self harming, no more pain because I was right where I wanted to be.

I was leaning against Chad's chest in the park, with the cool breeze running through my hair while the warm sun beat down on us from above. It was the perfect day with my perfect boyfriend. After being released from the hospital after a few tests were done, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And that's when it all stopped. Everything bad I've been feeling. My father. Everything just stopped.

He smiled down at me and his baby blue eyes melded with mine. He wrapped his arms around me and I just sat there feeling content. We were at a picnic in the park, just us together.

"How did I end up with such a perfect girlfriend" Chad said while leaning a bit closer to me, his breath tickling my lips.

"I don't know? Must be something to do with me having a flawless boyfriend" I said moving closer as well, teasing him by biting my lower lip. I could see his eyes move from my eyes to my lips as he stared at them with lust in his eyes.

I moved closer to him and brushed my lips against his and a tingling sensation rushed through my body.

"Sonny, don't tease me like that" Chad said as he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer and pressed his lip to mine. It was full of passion and love. It was slow and sweet, but soon moved into a deeper kiss, with their tongues fighting for dominance.

After a few minutes, with parted away but only for the fact that we were humans and that we had to give ourselves oxygen. His forehead rested against mine as we stared into eachothers eyes some more.

"Chad, why did you inject yourself that day. I mean I know it was to do with me but really why. There must have been something else. I mean why did you even have a near fatal injection with you?" I asked hesitantly, afraid that I might have asked a too personal question and that he didn't want to talk about it. I mean, I still haven't told him about my past of what my dad used to do and cutting.

"Okay Sonny, what I tell you must always stay between you and me" Chad said sighing.

"I swear, forever and always" I said whilst giving him a small but sweet peck on the lips. I was ready for whatever he had to tell me. I don't know why, but knowing that he was harming himself too, made me feel not so different. It also petrified me, thinking that Chad Dylan Cooper could do such a thing. Jerkthrob of Mackenzie Falls.

"Well, you see when I was six years old my mom died. It was Christmas day and me and my mom were in our house in front of the fire. We always did that, every year. My favourite day out of the year" He said smiling at the memories "There was a loud bang and my mom went to check it out. I could feel something just wasn't right and I saw a man covering my mom's mouth. He threw her against the wall and I ran to her but the next thing I knew the man had a gun up against my head"

I gasped and held onto him tighter. Just the fact that Chad could've died made me quiver.

"But my mom ran towards me and it he picked up the gun and shot it at my her. It was all slow motion. She fell down and I ran towards her and cried. The man realized what he done and left. It turns out he was just a burglar" Chad said and I could see tears in his eyes and he stroked my hair subconsciously.

"Then, I had to go and live with my father" He said the word 'father' bitterly with so much anger in his voice "I left my home and went to _his_ house. He burned all the pictures of my mom and treated me like rubbish. Every Christmas I would sit up in my room. Just crying. Just remembering. That used to be my favourite day. Now it's the worst" He said tears running down his face as he held onto me. I could feel my own eyes begin to water.

"Chad, I had no idea" I said as he pulled me into a hug and I used my hand to wipe away the tears on his cheeks. It made my heart hurt to see him cry.

"What was her name?" I asked curiously.

"Louisa Goldfarb. She was one of the nicest and happiest people you could ever meet. She was so full of life and she loved me. The only person that has ever cared for me my entire life. The only one that has ever showed me compassion and love. And I loved her just as much. I still do" he said as he pulled me into his lap and he hugged me even more.

I had no idea that was what Chad had gone through. He must have felt so much pain, but I can relate. His poor mother. He didn't deserve any of that, the suffering he has had to endure. I can't believe he has never been loved by anyone except his mother and how his father could be so cruel.

"Chad, I love you and I always will" I whispered while staring into those sapphire blue eyes.

"I know. I love you forever. I don't know how you could love me though. I always thought if I told anyone that they would think of me differently, they would hate me just like my father said" I wanted to tell him then so much of how I was beaten, how I was tortured and how my dad left us. But I didn't. I knew if it made my heart ache knowing about what happened to him, it would make his heart hurt knowing about what happened to me.

We sat in comfortable silence then, gazing into eachothers eyes contently, just wanting to stop time and keep it how it was now forever. After a while it was beginning to get dark and we both knew that we had to be getting home. We stood up and packed away our picnic and walked to the car, hand in hand. We talked a bit in the car but I couldn't help thinking about what a monster he had to go home to. I was luckier. My mom was nothing like my dad. She hardly ever got angry and never layed a finger on me. We lived in happiness after he left but we knew in our hearts we were unhappy without him. Because we loved him.

The car stopped outside my house and Chad got up out of his own seat and rushed over to my side to open the door for me. I couldn't help but wonder did he hide behind a jerky exterior for all these years.

"Goodnight sweetie" He said pulling me closer and caressing my cheek before he pressed his lips to mine again and we closed our eyes in bliss. It was short but sweet.

"Bye Chad" I said and hugged him once more before he got back in his car and I waved until he was out of sight. I sighed. I hated it when he left. It just made me feel insecure, like a part of me was with him. And I knew which part is was. My heart. And without my heart, I would die.

I took out my purse and started searching through it for the keys and I put them through the keyhole and opened the door. My eyes suddenly widened at what I saw. I started shaking.

"Dad?"

**

* * *

Not really to proud of this one though I did work really hard on it. Please Please review and I will be your bestest friend forever. =D**

**ImjstarXxx**


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